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Living with peace

I was watching a Netflix special where the comedian tells the audience that he doesn’t know anything about his father’s life before he was born, which made me think; how well do I know my parents, in this matter? And the answer was nothing. I am not even sure of the colour they like. I would definitely fail in a family tag game. After watching that show, I decided that I will try to learn more about my parents and get to know them a little more than I do. Following this path, I asked my mom a bunch of questions like, how she lived when she was 12 years old, any memories she has of her personal life, anything she can share with me before I was born.  I wanted to know everything about her. I hoped that she would share her life with me. But she didn’t. I know it’s not possible to share an entire life’s stories with someone but it would be fascinating to know those stories. My mother asked me why I was enquiring her about these questions and I told her my reason. She told me that, she wa
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Who are you?

  My sister once asked me this question, who are you? I couldn’t give her the answer. She gave me time to think about it and as I thought about it, I didn’t know what to answer. Maybe I am a nice (my friends keep telling me that), or selfish ( I want to be but I mostly fail in it) or manipulative (I like the idea of how one can convince others but I am not because I have never done and I don’t know how to do it) or something else. My sister always asks me those kinds of questions that make me uncomfortable because I don’t know the answer to it and I don’t want to because I am doing just fine without it. I know my likes and dislikes, my favourite foods and movies to watch. I am cheerful, goofy, sad and happy, at times. All these things can’t and doesn't define me, then what does? I am not one thing. I know who I am. I am me. I want to quote Taylor swift here: “I will never change but I will never stay the same either.” If I will never remain the same, how can I know who am I

happiness

Happiness What is happiness? Feeling love? Being with the right person at the right time? Doing things you like? I don’t know what happiness is. I once had this feeling of contentment that made me feel, if I die this moment, I won’t be sad or have any regret. At that time, life felt complete. Anything or anyone didn’t tell me that I am complete, I felt it. But it also faded into time as I lived on. Lately, I have been feeling this feeling of disinterest that makes me feel that I am not happy. I think, what would make me happy? I shouldn’t be sad, right? I think for a long time but never come to an answer. Sadness also fades away as time goes. I am 18. Even though, I don’t feel it. I still feel like a young naive girl, who doesn’t know about anything and just likes to play and come back to home, the only place where she is supposed to be and fits right in. Those days of summer, from my childhood, filled with humidity and fun. Those days filled with laughter with my school mates, where l

You Are Beautiful

Hello, you.  Welcome to my world. I will be sharing my life with you, as I saw it.  I hope you learn something too.  I am 18, with brain of 25. I just feel 25 years old even though I recently just turned 18. At some time I just feel like I am not aging, time feels like a frozen pond. Sometimes I feel good about it, no hurricanes, and simple peaceful life. But there are times when I look at people and wonder if I am living way too simple or if I am living at all? But every once in a while, something happens that leaves me restless and those kind of moments are the kind of moments I feel alive, I feel like a girl who can be more than what she thinks of herself.  A lot of my years went by, when I was busy feeling insecure about things that were not worth it. I never needed to be insecure about anything but the people on the TV told me about all of things I was not and somehow I started to feel different than others. What I didn’t know back then was, everybody was conscious about them at t

I am sorry

 I really need to get this out of my system. Last couple of months, have been full of sighs for me. The guilt keeps filling me for something that happened on my birthday. Just as regular birthdays, I invited some of my friends over. We had a blast! We danced, singed and ate good food. One of my friends, stayed for the night because it was dangerous to go back alone at night. I really liked this friend. Whenever we were together, I had this strong urge to kiss him but I could never initiate. One day, when I was at his house, I asked him to kiss me after I replayed the line for 3 hours in my mind. He kissed me on the cheek and I gave him a disappointed look. Noah :  On the lips?( paused for a nanosecond ) My lips are dry now. He came to kiss me. I pulled away saying " no need ". He started giggling. When I was leaving his house, he said "I will talk to you about it on the phone." I kinda pretended that I ignored what he said while in reality I was so nervous. But he i