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happiness


Happiness

What is happiness? Feeling love? Being with the right person at the right time? Doing things you like?

I don’t know what happiness is. I once had this feeling of contentment that made me feel, if I die this moment, I won’t be sad or have any regret. At that time, life felt complete. Anything or anyone didn’t tell me that I am complete, I felt it. But it also faded into time as I lived on.

Lately, I have been feeling this feeling of disinterest that makes me feel that I am not happy. I think, what would make me happy? I shouldn’t be sad, right? I think for a long time but never come to an answer. Sadness also fades away as time goes.

I am 18. Even though, I don’t feel it. I still feel like a young naive girl, who doesn’t know about anything and just likes to play and come back to home, the only place where she is supposed to be and fits right in.

Those days of summer, from my childhood, filled with humidity and fun. Those days filled with laughter with my school mates, where life felt like forever and I wasn’t on the clock to do things to feel complete, to feel worthy of something, I miss those days. I had the best time of my life, when I wasn’t wondering or worrying about the time or future.

I desperately feel happiness might come to me if I meet the right person, having the right things at the right time. But it does sound like too much to ask the universe, isn’t it?

I want my person to show up now. This is the time. I want to feel the peace that comes with loving someone without worrying about anything. Loving someone because I want to, not because I calculated it out and is doing so because it is the right thing to do at the time.

The kind of love I want is all about peace; laughing so loudly that my stomach hurts; running as fast as I can, on the track field, only because I love how running feels. I haven’t run in a while now. But I am desperately waiting for the day, when I will run like the wind, like it’s the only thing I know and to do.

Till then, I have told myself that it’s okay to be sad.

 

 

 

 

Writer: Anushka Kaushik

 

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